I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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