Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
