yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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