She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize