you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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