When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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