i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
40s are totally the cure
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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