I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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