So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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