Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
