Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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