no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
