he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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