he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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