you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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