Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
