I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I did not marry a roomba.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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