I'm eating all of the evidence.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
