Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
