I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize