Your mouth is God's brothel.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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