i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
