I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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