how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
