Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
