The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
