ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
