Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I am available for nakedness
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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