Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize