loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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