he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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