ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize