If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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