Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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