end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
