Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
