the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
