It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize