How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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