I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
