Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
