Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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