dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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