Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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