is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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