I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
