Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I could make wine with my vomit
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
