So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
