the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize