Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
