Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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