Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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