420 ftw
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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