Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
