Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
