im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
