We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
