You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize