are you so shy because you have an std?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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