Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
