fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
