Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
