I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
