I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Let's get the cat blown out
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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