he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
