If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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