I just pynch a tree in the face
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
