I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
