Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize