At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
