let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i now understand why vodka
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
