How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
