Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I look better un-naked...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
