I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
