super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize