So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
