Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
