I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize