My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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