I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
