Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
