I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
