So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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